Three and a half months later found us in a cabin fourty or so miles north of Tulsa. I was engaged to Taylor and Zac and Lindsay were still in love and going strong. The cabin was huge, sporting a hottub and enough rooms for each of us to have our own.
Lindsay's mom seemed to be getting better and I was happy for her. I looked at the TV screen and yawned. The Sixth Sense wasn't the best movie in the world, that can be said for sure.
All in all, it had been a weird time so far in Tulsa.
Tasha and I were watching the 6 Sense in the family room. I wondered where Zac had gone with my truck so frantically, but I decided not to worry. He couldn't live without Lindsay for 5 minutes so I assumed he just wanted to see her.
Anyway, Tasha's head was in my lap and I was stroking her hair as we watched the movie.
The door opened suddenly and I looked to see who it was. Zac had his arm around Lindsay's shoulder as the walked in. Something was wrong. I've never seen Linz look so sad before. She looked sick too. They walked right upstairs, leaving me wondering just what was going on.
"What was that all about?" Tasha wondered aloud.
"I dunno, I guess we'll find out sooner or later," I returned.
Zac came back a few minutes later and sat down on the couch, his head bowed and in his hands. I turned the movie and TV off and Tahsa sat up.
"What happened?" I asked softly.
Zac looked up and answered, "Lindsay's Mom lost her battle with Leukemia."
"Oh my gosh! That's horrible! I should go talk to her," Tahsa spoke.
"No, don't. She's not exactly in a talking mood. I just stopped her from hangin herself from the bridge." Zac stopped her.
"Oh." came Tahsa's reply.
"Please try to keep it down, Lindsay's sleeping and she really needs some rest," Zac requested. We both nodded.
Poor Lindsay. No wonder she tried to commit suicide, this was terrible! God, if I lost my Mom...I couldn't even think about it. And Lindsay has that scar on her for the rest of her life. I felt so sorry for her, she didn't deserve it. I got up and said, "Well, I'm going to bed. G'night,"
"Night," the two replied.
I quietly walked upstairs. I opened Lindsay's door and saw her sleeping. I came up to her and patted her head gently before whispering, "I know how you feel, you're not alone. Please don't leave," I gently pecked her cheek before quietly slipping out the door and shutting it gently behind me. I went into my room and got ready for bed.
I prayed for Lindsay and her family and hopped into bed and went to sleep. It had been a long day.
After Taylor left to bed, that left me and Zac alone on the couch. I looked at the fire for a bit, trying to organize my thoughts. Lindsay's mom had died? Lindsay tried suicide? What the hell was going on? In what seemed like a few seconds, a lot of things had passed before my mind's eye. Meeting Lindsay's parents that once, the bond they shared, remembering that Lindsay's sister had passed away as well, remembering how happy Lindsay and Zac were, remembering my drunk episode, remembering her bulimic episode, remembering the fights, remembering when we first met... It all came rushing past me. For no good reason, silent tears started coming down my face. For no other reason than I realized what I had gone through in the past 6 months, what Lindsay had gone through, how all of our lives had been changed. All of it weighed down on me in a massive headache. I couldn't handle this stress.
I looked over at Zac, my vision blurred slightly around the edges. He had his head in his hands and his shoulders were shaking slightly as if he was crying. I think he was. I mean, he had just been put through a lot. I gingerly rested my hand on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry." I said quietly, my voice barely above the crackle of the fire.
He looked up at me. He had definitely been crying. His face was streaked with tears.
"For what happened. I'm just sorry that it happened to you. You know? I mean, I know how Lindsay can get, and she has every right to be, I just know it's really stressful on you." I told him.
He just nodded.
"You know, we are nearing Christmas. It's the birth of Christ. Things will get better, I promise." I reassured him before standing up and heading towards my room.
I had neared the doorway when he called my name.
"Yes?" I turned around to face him.
"Thanks." He smiled for the first time that night, and I prayed that everything would be okay. For his sake, for Lindsay's sake, for everyone's sake.
After Tasha left, I was alone in the living room. I almost didn't know what to do with myself. I had grown up in a large family that was very close and was always with someone at some point or another. I almost didn't know how to be alone. I got up off the couch and headed to Lindsay's room. I stood in the doorway, watching her sleep. I walked over beside her bed and sang softly, "When you have no light to guide you, and no one to walk beside you, I will come to you. Ohh, I will come to you.."
Even though she was sleeping, a slight smile crossed her lips and she seemed to take on a more peaceful expression. I knew then that everything would be okay.
I woke up the next morning, not feeling any better. In fact, I felt worse. My stress was so bad I could feel it throbbing on my shoulder blades. I had to get rid of this pain, but I didn't know how. I'd figure it out later.
I reluctantly got out of bed, not even want to carry on my day. I walked into the kitchen. I saw a note on the table.
Tasha, Taylor, and I went out to get some stuff. Be back soon.
I walked over to the fridge and opened it. I immediat;ey stared at the vodka. I was aware that drinking can be soothing. Tasha warned me about how deadly it was, but you know what? I just didn't care. My life was already ruined, it couldn't get worse. Hell, I didn't even want to live period.
I grabbed the bottle and shut the fridge. I undid the cap and began to drink straight from the bottle. The bitter tastes soon turned sweet and I drank the whole bottle in tow minutes. I had to have more.
I grabbed Zac's keys and walked outside getting rid of the bottle. If the others wondered, I'd tell them I got rid of it. I hopped in the car and turned the keys. I backed out and drove down the road. It was hard to concentrate, but I managed. I went straight to the liquor store and both 20 packages of vodka. That would last me for a while. I carelessly drove back to the cabin and parked the car even more carelessly. I grabbed all the packages and put them in my closet. I put zac's keys back where I found them. I walked back into my room, bumping into walls and cursing along the way. I locked myself in my room and began to drink from one of the bottles.
I wasn't coming out of this room. Never. And if any of them tried to stop me, they'd regret it. Dearly.