I stood outside Tasha's door for ten minutes, thinking of what to say. I never like my apologies. I never get out what I really want to say. They're all lame. I banged my head against the door softly, just standing there, letting the pain buzz around my skull.
I didn't mean to yell at her. I just, I don't know. I don't have any patience with anyone when someone is hurt. I've lost too many people while being laid back and not doing anything to help.
But now, I'm losing the woman who means more to me than my whole exstince trying to be in charge. Why do I always blow everything up?
I sighed and lifted my head up slowly. I knocked on the door and waited for a response.
"C'mon on in, Zac." she spoke, sadness in her voice. I opened the door and walked in, shutting it behind me. Tasha was covered in a blanket, not being able to see. I'd use this as my advantage.
I sat down next to her on the bed, instantly having her clinging to me. She didn't even know who it was, she thought I was Zac, and she had her arms around my neck and was crying on my shirt. I wrapped my arms around her, rocking her back and forth. I rubbed her back in that one spot where she loved, that always made her melt in my arms.
I kissed her cheek and whispered, "I'm sorry Tasha, I'm very sorry. It was wrong to yell at you, and I was an asshole for doing it. I'm wrong, you're right. I'm sorry,"Tasha seemed in shock, then looked right up at me. I smiled slightly.
I woke up, caughing.
"Joy......." I thought, getting up.
Zac was still sound alseep. I lookeed down at him, shaking my head. He probably caught my cold snuggling me. Smart. I'm not one who's worth getting a cold over.
I was coughing too much to fall back to sleep, so I forced myself up, leaving him to rest. I walked down the hall and up into my room. As I passed, I saw Tasha and Taylor talking in each other's arms about something.
"Aweeeeeeee..." I thought, still coughing. Stupid cold.
I walked into my room, shutting the door. I stepped out of my damp and cold clothes and wrapped a robe around myself, needing the warmth. I went into my bathroom, leaving the door open a crack.
I turned on the bath water, letting the water get so hot it would steam. My nose was clogged up and I needed to actually breathe. Lousy cold.
I unwrapped the robe, letting it fall to the ground. Chilled, I stepped into the bath, shutting the curtain and turning on the shower. I let the hot water pound on my sore muscles, being glad to breathe again. Ahhhhhhh, sweet sanctuary...