When I went home that evening, after spending an afternoon sorrowing with Sorain and pulling ourselves together, I stepped through the door. I was still hoping that somehow it was just a bad dream. But then I realised that it wasn't. No one could dream anything this horrible. It was the truth. Sorain was going to die. And blow out of my life just like the wind.
Not really seeing anything in front of me, I walked up to my room in a zombie like state, wishing that my life was different. That it was somehow non-existant. Because this pain was tearing me up and swallowing me, eating away at everything that made me. Knowing that Sorain was so young, and so closed off. She didn't have anyone to mourn for her. Her sarcastic edge and straight forward policy had kept everyone on the edge and far away. Everyone but me. And her mother. And the rest of her family. I knew that my family would miss her.
In the living room, I heard my mother and my aunts watching Cats. "Memory" faintly drifted into my ears and provoked more tears.
I pushed the door lightly and it swung open. Isaac was sitting on the bottom bunk, my bed, looking at a spiral notebook with pride. I assumed he had just written a song that he was proud of.
Before he looked up, I wiped the tears off my face and swallowed several times so that my voice wouldn't crack. I looked up and caught my reflection in the mirror that sat on our dresser bureau.
You couldn't tell that I had been crying at all.
"Hey Tay! Look at this and tell me what you think!" He had finally noticed my presence and was holding the notebook out to me for me to read.
The lyrics were soft and tender, of love for a girl that would return his love for an eternity. It struck a chord deep with in me. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't fair. She got to live! The girl in the song got to live! Why did they all get to live except for Sorain?!
I lightly threw the notebook on the bed, the tears overcoming me again. I sat down beside him and bent over, just letting myself sob. Letting out all the sorrow that weighed in on me.
"Taylor? Was it really THAT bad? I mean, I know some of the lyrics were a little...err...sappy, but was it really?...." He looked at me, his brotherly eyes silently analyzing my treacherous state.
"Taylor, man, what's wrong?" He finally asked, resting a hand on my shoulder.
"She's gonna die, Ike. Sorain is going to die."
A look of horror and sadness that resembled my own to a lesser degree washed over his face.
"What? You're joking!"
"Would I lie about this??"
"No. I see your point. How?" He asked quietly, as if walking on eggshells, trying not to break the fragile strings that held me up as it was.
"Lung cancer. She's dying of stupid lung cancer!" *AN: there was actually profanity in this chapter coz I mean, lets be realistic, if someone was upset, they wouldn't really care about what the nature of their language was. But I edited it for those of you who are temid in language usage.*
For the first time in a long time, Ike hugged me. From the way he was clutching my back as he hugged me, I knew that he was crying.
The last time that we had actually hugged was when Zoe was born. I mean, that was the last meaningful hug. And now it was in a deep somberness that had no traces of joy.
Zac bounded into the room, stopping immediatly when he saw Ike's expression.
"What happened?" I knew that he expected the worse.
Isaac released me and he and Zac walked out of the room. I could tell that he was telling Zac elsewhere. And probably addressing my parents as well. I was grateful that he hadn't made me endure hearing it again though. I didn't know how much more I could take. It was still finally sinking in that she was really getting killed by lung cancer.